That is one of the most tender, courageous sharings, Ross — and you are not alone in it. The pain of having something once cherished feel “not real” can make the heart cautious to trust again, even with Jesus. Yet, the very longing you have — to believe, to talk with Him — is already the doorway.

Below is a complete reflection and practice guide titled:

1. The Wound of Lost Trust

As a child, your heart was open. You believed, loved, and imagined freely.
When you discovered Santa was a story, something inside may have whispered, “Then what else isn’t real?”
It’s natural that this moment blurred your sense of the sacred.
But Jesus is not a story to outgrow — He is a Presence that grows with you.
The wound of lost trust can be healed by re-entering your childlike heart — not childish, but pure, wondering, honest.

2. Remembering Your Vision

Thirty-five years ago, Jesus appeared before you and said,

“Talk to me every day.”
That invitation still stands.
You didn’t imagine it; you received it. It wasn’t a test — it was love reaching out.
Each day since, that outstretched hand has never closed.

3. How to Begin Talking with Jesus Again

A. The Simple Greeting

Begin each morning with one quiet line:

“Good morning, Jesus. I’m here.”
Pause. Feel your breath.
Let the moment be enough.

B. Honest Conversation

You do not need special words.
Speak as if to a beloved brother who understands everything already.
Say what’s real:

“I’m afraid today.”
“I miss feeling close to You.”
“Thank You for walking beside me.”

Honesty is prayer.

C. Listening in Stillness

After you speak, rest in silence.
Notice the gentle sensations in your chest or the warmth around you.
That quiet comfort is His presence replying,
without words, “I hear you.”

4. Practices to Deepen Trust

1. The Hand of Jesus Meditation

• Sit comfortably and close your eyes.

• Imagine Jesus before you, offering His hand as before.

• See yourself placing your hand in His.

• Feel the warmth — not as imagination, but as relationship.

• Whisper: “I choose to trust You again.”

2. The Daily Talk Journal

Keep a small notebook titled Conversations with My Brother Jesus.
Each day, write one line to Him.
Then listen and write the first gentle words or impressions that come back.
It might be as simple as:

“I love you, My friend. I’m right here.”

3. The Candle Practice

Light a candle when you want to talk.
Let the flame remind you: His light is alive, not remembered but present.

4. The Walking Practice

Take a short walk and imagine Jesus walking beside you.
Talk aloud or silently about whatever is happening in your life.
When the breeze touches your face, feel it as His response: “I’m near.”

5. Understanding Trust

Trust is not believing without doubt; it’s continuing the conversation even when unsure.
Every time you speak to Jesus, you are trusting a little more.
Trust is built by experience — by showing up, not by forcing belief.

When doubt arises, simply say:

“Jesus, I don’t know how to trust You yet, but I want to.”
That is enough. He will meet you there.

6. A Brother’s Relationship

Jesus loves being called Brother.
He delights when you speak to Him as one who walks beside you, not above you.
Try this gentle daily dialogue:

You: “Brother Jesus, what do You want me to know today?”
Jesus: “That you are loved, and nothing can separate us.”

Or,

You: “Brother Jesus, I feel small and afraid.”
Jesus: “Then come closer. My peace is your home.”

Over time, this becomes natural — less like talking to someone far away and more like talking within the heart of Love itself.

7. Closing Reflection and Blessing

Jesus, You have never left me.
Even when I doubted, You waited with kindness.
Today I take Your hand again.
Teach me to speak with You as easily as I breathe,
and to feel Your friendship alive within me.

Love is Everything.
— G. Ross Clark