“FATHER and I are One”

“FATHER and I are One”

My story

I lived on a farm with no siblings.

My grandfather Clark who we lived with was mean to me. He was physically and emotionally  abusive to his wife and children. My mother was somewhat emotionally unavailable and Loved me.

My Father and I were very close. I Loved Jesus, until I found out that there was no Santa Claus. I was hurt and lost trust in Jesus. I did not want to be hurt again. When I was 12, I witnessed my mother in the arms of another man while my father was asleep upstairs. My mother prided herself on never telling a lie but was living one.

I watched my dad die when I was 13. I had no father figure to relate to from then on. At 25 I set the intention to be a better man. I went for counselling, got involved in the church and practiced prayer and meditation.

At the age of 40 life started to get difficult and overwhelming, work, health, and family issues. At 45 I had to resign my career, on doctor’s orders. I studied Buddhism and taught meditation for free.

At 57 I trained at the University of Massachusetts. I am a qualified MBSR mindfulness teacher and have a MBSRtraining.com website and online Podia.com, 8-week training course.

Now at the age of 75 I have a strong background in Buddhism and Christianity. Jeshua Ben Joseph (Jesus) is a wisdom figure for me. I also deeply respect the many teaching of the Buddha

My father – son relationship with Andrew is not the best. It may have to do with losing my father at thirteen.

—

  1. Please, comment on this (losing my father and no father figure for the rest of my life) and suggest solutions and practices to help my father – son relationship.
  2. I need FATHER meditations.
  3. Self-talk practices.
  4. Prayers.
  5. Short written practices (like what has been done).
  6. A scientific example.
  7. Create an essay to physically understand on how to release my fears of FATHER not being real, but a made-up story. — I am drawn to the feeling that “My Father and I are one“.

Thank you, Very Much!
—

ChatGPT said:

Ross — thank you for trusting me with something this personal and sacred.
What you’ve shared touches the deep wound of father-loss and the lifelong journey of reconnection — not only with your earthly father, but with the inner and divine Father that lives within you as Presence, Awareness, and Love.

Let’s unfold this gently, in five parts, just as you requested:
(0) understanding the wound and its effect,
(1) meditations,
(2) self-talk practices,
(3) prayers,
(4) short daily written reflections, and
(5) a brief scientific bridge showing how healing this relationship transforms the nervous system.
Then we’ll close with an essay called “My Father and I Are One.”

  1. Understanding the Father Wound

Losing your father at thirteen meant losing your primary emotional compass at a time when a boy most needs a model of strength, integrity, and tenderness.

When that guidance disappears suddenly, a deep emptiness forms — not just missing the man but missing the mirror that shows you who you are.

Without that mirror, a child often grows into a man who:

  • strives endlessly for approval,
  • doubts his worth, and
  • fears closeness with his own son (unconsciously afraid of failing or being rejected again).

This “father gap” becomes not only emotional, but neurobiological — the brain learns to associate closeness with danger.
Healing this means re-teaching the nervous system that safety and love can coexist.

The good news: your lifelong spiritual practice, MBSR training, and devotion to Christ and the Buddha already built the tools.
You are not trying to become whole — you are remembering your wholeness.

  1. FATHER MEDITATIONS

  2. The Presence of the Father

Sit quietly.
Place a hand on your heart.
Breathe softly.
With each inhalation, say silently:

“Father.”
With each exhalation:
“I am one.”

Feel warmth expand in the chest. Let memories arise — your father’s voice, his laughter, the way he looked at you.

Do not analyze; simply feel the connection.
Allow the word “Father” to shift from person to Presence.

  1. The Empty Chair Practice

Sit across from an empty chair.
Imagine your father — his younger face, kind eyes.
Say aloud: “I missed you, and I needed you.”
Pause.
Then imagine him replying:
“I was with you in spirit all along.”

Repeat until tears or calm arise.
Let emotion flow — it is the nervous system releasing held energy.

  1. The Universal Father

In silence, sense a vast light behind and within you.
Whisper inwardly:

“The Father is Life itself.

I am not separate.”

Allow the edges of “me” to dissolve into that field of awareness.

  1. SELF-TALK PRACTICES

  1. Morning:

“I am guided by love, not fear.”
“My Father’s presence lives within my breath.”

  1. During conflict with your son:

“I respond, not react.
I am safe, my heart is open.”

  1. Evening reflection:

“I did my best today.
I release judgment and rest in trust.”

 

These statements gently rewrite the inner narrative from fatherless boy to father-within-me.

  1. PRAYERS

Prayer for Healing the Lineage

Heavenly Father, Source of all love, heal the space between fathers and sons.

Let forgiveness flow through generations.

May I honor my earthly father and embrace the divine Father within.

Bless my son, Andrew, with understanding and peace.

May love be restored through truth, humility, and grace.

Amen.

 

Prayer of Trust

Father of Light, when I feel lost, remind me that You breathe through me.

You are not gone — You are the ground of my being.

Let me rest in the knowing:

My Father and I are one.

 

  1. SHORT WRITTEN PRACTICES

  1. Daily Reflection Prompt:
    Today I felt the presence of the Father when…
  2. Releasing Fear:
    Write a letter to your 13-year-old self:
    Tell him what you’ve learned about love and forgiveness.
  1. Restoration Journal:
    Each week, write one thing you appreciate about your son — without sending it to him.
    This changes your emotional field before any conversation happens.

  1. SCIENTIFIC INSIGHT

Studies in neuroplasticity and attachment theory (Siegel, 2012; Cozolino, 2014) show that when we imagine a loving parental presence.

The brain’s anterior cingulate cortex and vagus nerve activate. Regulating heart rate, reducing cortisol, and creating the same physiological calm as real connection.

Meditative “imaginal repair” literally rewires the circuits of safety and belonging.

Your “Father meditations” are not symbolic; they are biological re-parenting.

Each practice tells your body:

The Father is safe. Love is real.

 

 ESSAY — “My Father and I Are One”

There was a time when I believed the Father had left me — that death had taken him away and that love could not be trusted. But what truly died was my image of the Father as a separate being.

Over the years, through grief, faith, and meditation, I discovered a deeper truth: the Father I sought was not only in heaven — He was in my breath, my awareness, my stillness.

When I look at my son now, I see the same longing I once carried. He does not need me to be perfect; he needs me to be present.

Every moment I listen without defending, every time I speak with gentleness, the chain of pain softens.

The Father lives through both of us — not as doctrine, but as living Presence.

 

“My Father and I are One” is not theology; it is realization.

It means the love that created me never left.

It means forgiveness flows backward and forward through time.

It means I am home.

 

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